Reflecting the Light of the World

www.nicknamy.net

2009-03-23T18:44:00.004-05:00

Well I sure haven't posted here in a while! Allow me to offer a bit of an explanation for those of you faithful enough to return to a stale site:

You see, I have this whole wedding thing going on and I've been quite busy planning with Amy and in what time I can steal away from work, ministry, wedding planning, running, Amy and so on - I've spent building a website.

The majority of the content on the site is about the wedding, to provide an additional place for our guests to go when they can't find the save-the-date or wedding invitation. More info will be added as I have time.

If you'd like to follow the blog devoted to our wedding click here, or if you're not RSS savvy here.

New Nooma - 022 Tomato

2008-11-11T10:43:00.003-06:00

In an attempt to stir the remaining embers of this blog, I thought I'd share the newest Nooma with you. Tomato is free on facebook until Wednesday November 13th at noon, your opportunity is slipping away, check it out now while you have a chance.

(click on the video to watch it on Facebook)

"Jesus invites us to die so that we can have life, Jesus invites us to lose our life so we can find it." (paraphrased from Mathew 16:24-26 among other Jesus teachings)

These truths stopped me mid-sip of my morning coffee - truth I know, a reminder I needed. My idle state of life, living for myself and propping up the image I've constructed, dropped for a moment and the words of Jesus sank in. Today I choose to live as a Christ follower and die to myself, allowing me to forgive freely and love abundantly, to have life.

I hope God stirs your heart as well.

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Now playing: Enter the Worship Circle - Put in Me
via FoxyTunes

Jedis in Indy

2008-10-08T18:46:00.001-05:00

Sitting in the Indy airport, delayed on our way to Florida, I pulled
out my iPhone to show Amy my new lightsaber app.

Moments later a fellow Jedi emerged and we engaged in Jedi things -
showing off our lightsabers.

Sweet!

Sent from my iPhone

A Sad Time Dwarfed by a Happy One

2008-08-06T15:40:00.004-05:00

This comes as old news to whatever reader base still exists for this blog: but I broke my iPhone about a month ago. Pulled it out of my pocket while at work and dropped it on ceramic tile, shattering the screen.

Here have a look:
Pretty bad huh?

This all happened Thursday afternoon July 10th. My mind was a bit occupied that day. Earlier that week I purchased an expensive piece of jewelery, drove to Michigan and back to talk to a beautiful woman's parents, Friday I had planned a romantic evening and asking an important question of said beautiful woman.

Unfortunately, Friday July 11th was also the release of the new iPhone 3G. Getting a replacement iPhone has not been an easy task. Repairing the old iPhone conveniently cost the same price as buying a brand new one. Guess which one I did?

I got my 3G iPhone on Monday and I'm just glad to have a working phone again that I can read my email on and make calls and such.

Right now I have an ebay auction going for the old broken iPhone, we'll see if I can make up some of the cost of a clumsy, nervous mistake.

Oh, and she said YES! Meet my Fiancee. I'm hoping to post the story and some pictures in the coming days.

Happy Birthday Smooth, Jazz

2008-07-24T22:07:00.004-05:00

Today my roommate known as Smooth, Jazz Dawg celebrated the anniversary of his birth. Oddly enough his twin brother was also celebrating. Much fun was had this evening, Halo 3 was the theme - unintentionally though. Cakes in the shape of Xbox 360 remotes, a cake in the the shape of Valhalla (a multiplayer map) and this quick-and-dirty ridiculousness I pulled together:

Hooray Matt!

Universal Health Care?

2008-06-20T10:37:00.000-05:00

Study: Most Children Strongly Opposed To Childrenâ��s Healthcare

Pain and Healing

2008-06-03T08:39:00.003-05:00

A barefoot little boy runs across the dilapidated, weathered deck. The risks, while known from previous encounters, go un-calculated. Fragile brittle spears of wood lie awaiting to depart their harsh bite. One pierces his little foot, momentum frees the pointy-now lodged spear from it's previous home. Slinking to the deck, the pain races up his leg, across his spine, reaching his brain and releases a wail and tears. He holds his foot and rocks as Dad frees him from the grips of the wood.

Inside they rush, up the stairs to the bathroom. Needle and tweezers in hand Dad gently and quickly begins surgery. The wailing continues and quickens as the boy squirms and begs his Dad to stop. Through sobs Dad continues to work, "It hurts, stop! No, leave it alone. Stop, Ouch!" The small spear is freed, the pain diminishes and eventually the sobs. Pain remains, though not as intense. The boy rests in his father's arms as the last tears fall to Dad's shirt.

Healing is painful. Whatever the form, emotional, physical, spiritual - pain. From my experience the decision we're often faced with: Do I handle the pain now quickly in the short run, or Do I continue on as if nothing is wrong and deal with deeper, greater pain later. If Dad doesn't remove the splinter infection sets in, lock-jaw becomes a risk. The pain lasts longer, grows more severe and dangerous.

Healing is a violent process, each of us has encountered our share of splinters. Are we willing to let Dad do surgery, or are we ignoring the pain, dulling it with time, just coping - all along infection is gripping us.

This is a topic that has found home in my heart these past years. One of my pastors recently spoke about healing and pain through relating a story about his son. It spoke powerfully to me. You can hear it here. As well a friend of mine spoke at one of our services this year on being a healer, he's a counselor, so he has a unique perspective on the violent process of healing - having seen a lot of it. You can listen to his message here.

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Now playing: Phil Wickham - Grace
via FoxyTunes

Keepon Dancing - Don't You Evah

2008-05-30T10:16:00.004-05:00

I owe props to Ben Chase for pointing this out a while back, but thought I'd take a chance and post something light and easy to get back into the swing of posting more regularly.

(Click on the image to watch the video on YouTube)

In the past year or so Spoon has launched themselves into my standard music rotation and proved worthy of being listed in my top ten list. They do a lot of fun and interesting things with beats, breaking your expectations and fun vocal stuff - allowing them to catch my ear and spark my interest. If you don't have any of their albums, I'd suggest starting with their newest: Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga. Check them out on iTunes or eMusic.

Current Favorite Spoon Tracks:
Don't You Evah (Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga)
The Way We Get By (Kill the Moonlight)
Sister Jack (Gimme Fiction)
Finer Feelings (Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga)
Stay Don't Go (Kill the Moonlight)

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Now playing: Spoon - Stay Don't Go
via FoxyTunes

Happy Birthday To You

2008-05-29T13:45:00.004-05:00

Today marks the anniversary of this beautiful woman's birth. Happy Birthday Amy!

New Nooma - 020 Shells

2008-05-19T11:32:00.003-05:00

I haven't posted in a great while, if any of you out there still read this blog, I'd like to apologize. Any explanation would simply sound like an excuse but I still feel the need. I've felt pretty exhausted lately, this usually happens this time of the year. The school year ending and ministry responsibilities are relieved, leaving me to nurse exhaustion and general wear. Along with the tiredness I find I have less to say - no doubt corresponding to having less time and energy to process and tend the garden of thoughts growing behind my eyes. The next months should provide for more opportunity to think and write and develop some teachings for the summer and fall. I welcome these opportunities.

For now I leave you with this:

(click on the picture to view the video on facebook)

The newest Nooma 020 Shells is posted on the Nooma facebook page for your viewing for the next 24 hours. Especially in light of what I just wrote, I found this Nooma to be challenging - I'm thankful the academic calendar allows for forced reevaluation of what you've said "Yes" and "No" to.

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Now playing: Spoon - Don't You Evah
via FoxyTunes

BSG Season 4 Premier

2008-04-04T09:28:00.002-05:00

(dramatic music builds - trumpets, low rumbling drums, a choir of angelic voices)

Tonight it happens. The forth and final season of Battlestar Galactica begins. If you're like me and don't have cable you can stream the episode from scifi.com at 11:00AM CST. I won't be watching tonight or online today - pesky work and no cable. That means don't go spoiling nothing!

Good News and Bad News Today

2008-04-01T10:00:00.004-05:00

Good news:
Google and Virgin are teaming up to colonize Mars in the next 20 years, sounds exciting! You can read the details here. Also, you can take a quiz to see if you should go. Here are my results:

Well, you're distressingly normal and could conceivably adjust to life as a deep space pioneer, though we recommend instead that you leave the Mars missions to the serious whack jobs who scored over 130 and instead finish year 3 of law school, tuck your toddler into bed, design Web 2.0 applications, run for Congress or do whatever other normal, healthy, middle-of-the-road thing you're currently doing with your normal, healthy, middle-of-the-road life. If you're determined to give Virgle a try, though, you can submit your video here.

So I guess I'm just not whack enough to go.

Bad news:
Looks like I might have to start wearing a helmet in future races, check out Runner's World for that story.

On Sarcasm

2008-03-25T10:27:00.004-05:00

As of late the topic of sarcasm seems to rest heavy on my mind and heart. The Easter season has something to do with it - bringing me to remembrance of hope and joy and reason for celebration. For me these stand in strong contrast to a sarcastic demeanor.

When I find myself being really sarcastic I also find myself being very critical. Other people's sarcasm and critical spirit infects me, I know this to be true, leading me to believe the same goes for the other direction. When I'm reading blogs that are overly sarcastic and critical of the Church and others, I fall into agreement and it builds divisions in my heart between myself and others trying to follow Jesus. In a community I find a critical spirit to be a slow, dry, rot, deteriorating the foundation and threatening collapse.

Today, in google reader, I unsubscribed to a blog I enjoyed at first for it's witty satire and tongue-in-cheek-ness. Since that honeymoon phase all posts have continued in the same sarcastic vein with rare glimpses of hope and hardly any encouragement. The decision to stop reading comes in hopes to keep my spirit from being divisive and to keep it from being crushed under the weight of a bleak outlook on life and the Church.

This is something I'm still working through, I don't know that I'd say sarcasm is always wrong and always hurtful, I think I'm just coming to a realization that it's often a cheap laugh and at someone's (or organization's) expense and therefore hardly edifying.

What do you think?

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Now playing: jon foreman - In My Arms
via FoxyTunes

Cure for the Pain

2008-03-24T22:58:00.003-05:00

Tonight while hanging out with the Dawgs "Cure for the Pain" by Jon Foreman filled our small dinning room. This song pulls tears from me no matter the emotional state I'm in. The cause: maybe the sadness in Jon's voice, maybe the ways it reminds me of how I've tried to cure my pain, or the ways I know trying to run would simply be a lie. Either way, tonight it causes me to stop and reflect on the healing journey God has me on and how these days I don't feel quite as lonely as I once did. The tears change from ones of sadness to ones of thankfulness and remembrance.

And here tonight while the stars are blacking out
With every hope and dream I've ever had in doubt
I've spent ten years trying to sing these doubts away
But the water keeps on falling from my eyes

And heaven knows, heaven knows
I tried to find a cure for the pain
Oh my lord! to suffer like you do
It would be a lie to run away

Tomorrow Spring the next seasonal EP is released and I'll be picking it up for sure. You can get it the EP's here.

Palm Sunday: Jesus Triumphant Entry

2008-03-16T19:09:00.005-05:00

"Happy Palm Sunday!"

That's how Josh Wondra greeted me this morning as I stirred from sleep and trudged to the couch with my coffee.

Palm Sunday, it's been on my mind all day - thinking about the beginning of Holy Week. About Jesus riding in to Jerusalem on a donkey, his followers laying cloaks and branches before him and singing praises.

They brought the donkey and the colt, placed their cloaks on them, and Jesus sat on them. A very large crowd spread their cloaks on the road, while others cut branches from the trees and spread them on the road. The crowds that went ahead of him and those that followed shouted,
"Hosanna to the Son of David!"
"Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!"
"Hosanna in the highest!"
Matthew 19:7-9

I've decided, as in years past, to reflect on the Easter Story throughout the week. This time I plan to save the Resurrection accounts until Sunday and focus on the events that transpired the days before the Crucifixion. Today I studied the Jesus Triumphant Entry, tomorrow I'll look at Matthew's account of the events.

My hope and prayer for you all: That you'd find time to stop and reflect, meditate on the Easter Story and let God draw your heart more to Him and respond in praise. After all He replied "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

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Now playing: Jon Foreman - Learning How to Die
via FoxyTunes

PS: The picture for this post is one claiming to be of the gate at Jerusalem Jesus is said to have entered on the first Palm Sunday.

Music: Turrell and Foreman

2008-03-15T18:09:00.005-05:00

On recommendation of Paste Magazine I recently picked up Ford Turrell's debut album and Jon Foreman's Fall and Winter EP's.

To say I'm pleased with these finds would be an understatement.

The Jon Foreman EPs weren't to much of a risk - I've been a long running fan of Switchfoot and Jon's song writing. Raw, real and emotional come to mind as I stretch to describe them. The depressing undercurrent of Winter makes me think Jon and I might share some of the same predisposition to seasonal sadness (come soon Spring!).
Favorite Tracks: Behind Your Eyes (amazing track), A Cure for the Pain, Equally Skilled

Because of my affinity for Ray LaMontagne's work, I picked this album up. I might describe Ford's style as a pleasing middle between the smoky voice and poetic lyrics of Ray LaMontagne and the folk sound and easy of Amos Lee. By the third spinning of this album I had decided I liked it, it took a couple listens, not an instant favorite. The same was true for Ray and Amos for me though. I'm glad I gave it a couple spins, it's becoming a favorite.
Favorite Tracks: The Stillest Hour, Listen to Your Heartbeat

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Now playing: Jon Foreman - Learning How to Die
via FoxyTunes

New Toy, I Mean Phone

2008-03-13T10:51:00.004-05:00

This has always been more of an inevitable thing, my friends asking "when are you going to get one?" instead of "are you going to get one?"

It's been about 3 weeks now since I purchased my iPhone, it's sexy :-)

Overall I'm happy with it, though it definitely shows the signs of an early product still being developed. Biggest complaints: iCal doesn't support multiple calendars, wireless has known issues which make it interesting here on campus, and there is no way to delete learned wireless networks.

Apple announced the iPhone SDK last week for developers to be able to build custom applications for the iPhone as well as promised support for Microsoft Exchange making the iPhone more corporate friendly.

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Now playing: The Fratellis - Flathead
via FoxyTunes

I'm So White

2008-03-12T15:50:00.005-05:00

Recently Amy brought it to my attention, with the help of this blog, that I am white. Examples of my whiteness: being a vegetarian, running marathons, snowboarding, listening to public radio, a love for indie music, a love for the outdoors, the list goes on and on. Basically reading this blog I feel pretty pegged.

They nailed it today though: Outdoor Performance Clothing.

I walk around with a smile wearing my ARC'TERYX fleece or my Mountain Hardwear conduit softshell, knowing my jackets are super sweet even if others don't know the logo or the brand and that I paid more for them than you would think reasonable. A grin and kinship sparks when I see another gear nerd sporting their outerwear and we sigh at the frat-boy strutting in his North Face fleece oblivious to the fabric technology and engineering that has gone into his pop culture status symbol.

A related blog, I've found pretty hilarious: White Whine, IE things white people whine about.

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Now playing: Snow Patrol - Chocolate
via FoxyTunes

EOH, Tesla Coils and A Cute Girl

2008-03-10T09:27:00.003-05:00

Forgive me for the lack of postes lately, I try to stay in the habit of posting at least something brief during weeks when I'm far to busy for any good. Work has returned to a state of crazy on the busyness and stress levels, which leaves me exhausted by the end of a work day.

This weekend - though shorter than normal thanks to "spring forward" - was a lot of fun. It was EOH (which if you remember from last year, gets me really excited).

This year there was a special "concert" on Friday night; some footage I found on the YouTubes :

EOH and musical Tesla Coils would have been fun in themselves, the unique thing this year though was getting to experience them with a really cute girl. Those that know me well, know it's important for me to be able to share my excitement and passions with others. I feel like I was able to do that this weekend.

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Now playing: Caedmon's Call - What You Want
via FoxyTunes

PS: The desire to build a tesla coil and proudly wear my electrical enginerd badge has been rekindled. Meaning I'm searching for circuit diagrams and such on the interwebs.

Podcasts: Faith Swapping

2008-02-27T10:45:00.002-06:00

NPR Story of the Day is one of the podcasts I keep up with on a regular basis. Embarrassing as it is to admit, often times it is the ONLY news input I get in a day.

Particularly interesting to me was today's story: "Religion Survey Find Many American's Swap Faiths." The segment is short, less than 4 minutes and worth listening to, but if you'd rather read it you can find the transcript here and the results of the survey here.

Since I'm short on time I don't have the ability to get into much depth on this, but I think it reinforces something we see in college ministry all the time and a trend I've seen in my family. Children choosing a different flavor of Christianity from their parents, happened with my Dad and his parents and my brother and I with our parents.

The Moment of Disgust

2008-02-26T11:10:00.003-06:00

I hesitate to post this video. I found it painful and appalling.

Apparently The Moment of Truth is a current hit show on Fox. Arriving at work this morning some of my co-workers were talking about this episode from last night, I checked it out. After this clip Lauren goes on to answer that she has cheated on Frank, her husband of two years. The pain comes from imagining how cutting these revelations much be to Frank and how much he must be hurting, and also how trapped Lauren must have felt with the weight of her thoughts and actions. My eyes welled over as I saw this for the first time, I waited for Frank's do the same.

Is this entertainment? Why is this on TV?

Maybe seeing other people's pain and problems makes us feel better about the mess of our own lives, or maybe as a society we've gone the way of the Romans and the Colosseum and are completely desensitized to the violence and horror of our brokenness and extreme self-centeredness.

It bothers me that this is on TV. It disgusts me that this is considered entertainment. I think that's a good thing.

Can it be more obvious that we and our world needs putting back together? This pulls my heart to follow Jesus all the more and strive to join Him in making things right.

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Now playing: Derek Webb - This Too Shall Be Made Right
via FoxyTunes

Once: Best Original Song

2008-02-25T12:06:00.003-06:00

I confess I didn't watch the Oscar's last night, I'm not in the habit of sitting through all the celebrity and celebration - though I do enjoy hearing what films were nominated and what films won. And I am a sucker for olive branches on a movie cover or "academy award nominee" when deciding what to watch.

Readers will remember I posted not long ago about a movie I really enjoyed Once.

It was nominated for and won Best Original Song last night for "Falling Slowly" It really makes me happy to see great art noticed and rewarded and such a hopeful story of struggling independent musicians to be recognized and gain some success. I still highly recommend the soundtrack.

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Now playing: Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova - Falling Slowly
via FoxyTunes

The passage of time

2008-02-19T16:11:00.002-06:00

EDIT: Me apologies and deep embarrassment for the inaccuracy of the original post, my Calculus skills are a little rusty these days. This should be correct now as well as including a caffeine variable.

Some days the time seems to pass with exceptional quickness, others with exceptional slowness. Today happens to be one of the latter.

I'm sure the slowness of time relates to how much I'm accomplishing and/or my enjoyment of the time. Maybe something in the form of this:Assuming this as true and that Schrödinger’s Cat lol’d… we’d find the rate at which time passes by a good ol’ derivative WRT time.Thus we see if no accomplishments are made the passage of time is merely constant, however should there be accomplishments made and their enjoyment be negative, time will appear to slow. Conversely when an accomplishment is enjoyed time would appear to move faster and when more caffeine is involved time speeds up.

This might explain why 8 hours at work can pass so slow, but how 8 hours at home can pass so quickly - also why the last 40 minutes I've spend working on this post has passed by so quickly. Leading me to conclude, I must accomplish less at work to quicken the rate time passes (assuming it’s a negative enjoyment factor of course).

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Now playing: Death Cab for Cutie - We Looked Like Giants
via FoxyTunes

Dost thou Pisseth Against the Wall?

2008-02-10T16:27:00.000-06:00

I usually avoid posting twice in one day since it can tend to cause posts to get lost as the noise floor of your daily input raises. This post will be brief:

I first saw this video on Walk The Razor, one of Noel Heikkinen's blogs and then later on Tall Skinny Kiwi. Can you say viral video?

I laugh when I watch this but later I find it just sad.

Scientology Protest

2008-02-10T12:53:00.000-06:00

Longtime friends of the Dawg Haus will remember we are located next-door to the Champaign branch of the Church of Scientology - a fact several folks have found humorous. Recently this group has found it's way into the news and not on such great terms. There is the Tom Cruise viral video, the Anonymous response video, DDoS on Scientology's website, and today a worldwide organized protest.

Camped out on our front couches, some of us dawgs grabbed our morning coffee and breakfast and became spectators of the event unfolding next-door.

We have a civil and cordial relationship with our neighbors - none of us would agree with their beliefs but we see them as human beings deserving of love and respect regardless of how misguided they may be. It's this fact that makes me uneasy about the protest. I've been thinking a lot this year about how effective protesting is (part in reference to the call of Christians to boycott The Golden Compass and further with this protest though it's not officially religiously affiliated).

Do signs, shouting, and name calling do more than cause the targeted group to bunker down and solidify further in their beliefs?

I'm not saying these protesters are hoping to persuade the scientologist, I'm just questioning if it's affective at persuading those passing by. My hunch is not and thus I conclude they're just creating a stand-off between themselves and those inside the "church" each side growing in their belief in the other being wrong and growing in dislike.

What do you think?

(PS: A very few more photo's can be found on my picasa account. I didn't take many.)

Super Tuesday: Vote Today!

2008-02-05T09:27:00.001-06:00

Just a quick and friendly reminder that today is Super Tuesday, so if your state is holding it's primary today, go vote. I'm not an expert on all this stuff - voter registration, the primaries, elections - but I do know I get to voice my choice for potential presidential candidates for the upcoming election today and I did so this morning.

If nothing else, they give you a sticker. Would be nice to get a sucker too, but oh well.

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Now playing: Derek Webb - A King and a Kingdom
via FoxyTunes

Blog Samples: Jesus

2008-02-04T12:24:00.000-06:00

Thanks to Ben for sharing this post on google reader. Its from Jesus the radical pastor, John W. Frye's blog. Reading this I felt convicted as I sipped on my Morning Blend Starbucks coffee. I resonate with John here, I don't think Jesus would like me much, nor I Him. Much has been given me, what am I doing with it?

Would the Radical Jesus Like You?
"In the Gospels I usually identify with all the people Jesus serves. I think that he both liked and loved them. But if I am honest, I should see myself in those groups that didn’t like Jesus and I don’t think he liked them very much, either."

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Now playing: Ray LaMontagne - Be Here Now
via FoxyTunes

Sigur Rós - 'Heima'

2008-01-30T20:17:00.000-06:00

It never fails. Just after finishing that last post Chris calls me into the other room to show me a trailer for this new Sigur Rós DVD/Documentary thing. I'm pretty interested in checking it out. Here is the trailer for your viewing pleasure.

Blogging Brain Fart

2008-01-30T19:59:00.000-06:00

Multiple times since my last post I've sat down to write on here and watched my words run from me. The culprit may be the busyness of work, or the full routine of life, or maybe I just simply don't have anything to say lately. Even as I write this now I find myself debating if I'll post.

"Will this one get scrapped like the past three or so post attempts."

All that to say, the reason I'm posting now is to keep the habit of getting some thoughts out, even if they are just ramblings about why I haven't posted lately :-)

Photos: Icy Night

2008-01-21T01:08:00.000-06:00

Amy and I took a couple quick shots of the Abbot cooling towers tonight. The cold weather has left them, as well as their surroundings, entombed in ice. I'll do some editing of the shots and post them up on picasa but for now, here is one that didn't need much editing:

(I upped the contrast a tad and the exposure a smidge)

Once

2008-01-20T22:28:00.001-06:00

This weekend I had the chance to watch an excellent film, a rarity, the excellent part. Receiving high praise from friends whose musical taste I trust I decided it worth the adventure and rented Once to watch with Amy on Friday night. The film had been sold to me as a musical romance between two budding musicians, complete with a soundtrack begging to be purchased.

You need to see this film.

At first, describing the film as a musical left me uncomfortable. (This can probably be chalked up my general distaste for genre and misunderstanding of how everything is classified as either a "comedy" or "drama"). Thinking about it now, I am more content describing it as a musical. In all honesty, the story is told through the music. The characters lack names yet feel complete enough to be a good friend - we learn about them through their music and bond with them as their pain pours through their voices. After all, isn't this part of the draw of music, the stories songs tell, the emotions they invoke, their empathy.

In honor of not sharing plot points or ruining the film for others, I'll end on this note. My enjoyment resides strongly on the amazing soundtrack but also in the themes presented. Watching, I was reminded of the goodness of remaining faithful to commitment, the pain and worthwhileness of forgiving, the beauty of romance and the honor in being a person of moral character.

PS: The film has a low budget or indie film feel due to it's minuscule budget of $160,000. More interesting back story, including how neither of the main characters are or plan on being professional actors, can be found here on the ever helpful wikipedia.

Thinking about Anger

2008-01-18T14:53:00.000-06:00

Lately the subject of anger and forgiveness have had a healthy amount of my brain and heart (in a philosophical sense not as in a "I've been angry a lot" sense). Anger examined in my life has quite often proven tied to an idea of entitlement. This concept, entitlement, is a little more foreign to me though. I have long been aware of frustration and anger in situations where something doesn't go my way or the way I thought it should have - but this I was less aware of.

The thought process sounds like this: "You deserve to be heard or listened too in this group.""You deserve to be respected or understood.""You deserve to be left alone.""You are entitled to this or that."

Last night anger had it's death grip around my heart for a bit. I had walked out of a situation where I felt entitled to my voice and thoughts being heard, neither felt true. Enter the strongman Anger to take my heart hostage leaving isolated and lonely.

This morning I read this passage and as it sank in I began to reflect on last night.

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell.
Matthew 5:21-22

Something happens to us when we get angry with another person. It feeds self-centeredness, it dehumanizes me as I elevate my feelings/needs/desires above another persons. The anger doesn't do anything to the other person, only to me.

Freedom from the prison of anger requires I walk back through the tangles of self-centeredness untying the bonding straps of my prison along the way. The agreements I've made saying I am entitled to this or that.

Last night I chose to take this journey and return to a state of less self-centered living. The result: reunion and reconcillation and a heart living free again.

More Caffeinated Fun

2008-01-17T10:38:00.000-06:00

"This is like turning water into wine!"
~ Josh, my officemate while making our morning pot of coffee.

I am 92% Addicted to Coffee

Strange, I'm actually sort of proud of the fact that I ranked so high in this quiz. I understand my dependancy on the bean juice and I can quit at anytime... really I can, but why would I want to do that :-)?

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Now playing: Chicago Public Radio - #303: David and Goliath
via FoxyTunes

Biblical Wisdom About Vegetarianism

2008-01-15T16:26:00.000-06:00

This morning I consumed my morning cup of Liquid Holy Spirit at the Espresso Royal Cathedral on Goodwin. As it gave new life to my body I turned my attention to my Bible sitting next to me. Thumbing to today's chapter in Proverbs I read the following:

"A bowl of vegetables with someone you love
is better than steak with someone you hate."
Proverbs 15:17

So there you have it straight from the Word of the Lord. Come share a bowl of vegetables with me instead of the steak you hate... or I mean with someone you hate :-P

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Now playing: Caedmon's Call - Trouble
via FoxyTunes

Juno

2008-01-10T13:34:00.000-06:00

Last night I had the chance to see Juno at the Champaign Art Theater - the pretentiousness of this theater felt right for this film. Since seeing the film I've had the above song in my head and thought I'd share it with you. Time is rather hard to come buy right now so this post isn't to in depth, I invite you to interact with me about the film via comments or emails or in person. I really enjoyed it.

Breaking the Blog Silence

2008-01-05T18:46:00.000-06:00

It sure has been quiet around here lately. The past couple weeks have found me returning to Champaign only to head to Indianapolis for GCM's Ignite Conference, then back to Champaign for New Year's only to head to Steamboat, CO for a week long snowboarding trip.

This last stop is where you currently can find me. Internet connectivity isn't the greatest and I'm spending my days on the mountainside followed by long nights of sleep to recover. It's been quite the adventure: getting out here, riding this mountain and sharing an amazing condo with some friends. Maybe it's all the travel in recent weeks or maybe it's being an introvert with not a lot of personal space on this trip, but I'm beginning to miss home. I miss the Dawg Haus, my roommates, my room, even my office at work and of course, The Girl.

The trip is nearing the end - we have one day of lift tickets left and then the long drive home which we plan to do as a straight shot, Steamboat, CO to Champaign, IL. I'm sure when life returns to normal I'll begin posting more regularly, but until then I leave you with one of the many pictures I've taken thus far.

(We spent yesterday riding through trees in waist deep powder, it was amazing!)

A Silent House

2007-12-25T23:42:00.000-06:00

Each time I visit home it weirds me out how early things shutdown in the suburbs, coffee shops close at 10, streets are eerily quiet at 9, house lights extinguished around 10. This activity isn't weird to my parents, it's normal even to age 22 sister who has joined the suburbia middle class working force. On campus, life meanders on until 1am or 2am on nights I don't have to work the next day, on nights I do, usually until 11:30.

I came across this xkcd comic tonight and it fit this feeling like a glove.

Happy Christmas All!

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Now playing: Clemson Impulse - Insomniac Mix 1
via FoxyTunes

Being Made Right

2007-12-17T16:50:00.000-06:00

I keep coming back to this song lately - starting my mornings with it, rooting myself in it's truth in the hard hour or so after work when life seems especially heavy and overwhelming. I find beauty in how simple it is, just a guitar and a voice.

"people love you most for the things you hate
and hate you for loving the things you can’t keep straight
people judge you on a curve
and tell you you’re getting what you deserve
and this, too, shall be made right"
Derek Webb - 'This Too Shall Be Made Right'

Derek has long been a hero of mine, mostly due to his passion for seeing The Church fully realized and fearlessness in speaking up about how we don't have things quite right.

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Now playing: Derek Webb - This Too Shall Be Made Right
via FoxyTunes

Playing in the Snow

2007-12-16T11:50:00.000-06:00

It snowed pretty good here the past day or so. The weatherman called for 10 inches - seems about right. Playing in the snow so far included shoveling out my car, making a snow angel and taking pictures. Sledding and building a snowman were on my list but I figured I'd wait on those until friends wanted to play too.

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Now playing: Switchfoot - Awakening
via FoxyTunes

How GEEK are you?

2007-12-15T18:38:00.000-06:00

81% Geek

The old Electrical Engineer joke comes to mind, you can't spell geek without EE.

My Day Is Ruined

2007-12-12T06:02:00.001-06:00

I just woke and began my morning routine - checking my reader for new feeds. I scanned a few posts and then saw the new xkcd comic for today.

I've been sniped! My brain will be useless all day until I get a handle on that infinite grid of resisters.

Photo Prayer Walk: Ice Storm

2007-12-09T15:48:00.000-06:00

Early this morning, while installing Ash's new CD player in her car, we began discussing photography. I mentioned how I hoped my parents would be getting me a digital camera for Christmas. A camera would serve utility purposes, enabling me to better capture and share places I've seen God's beauty in creation - living out of my backpack, snowboarding, or sitting in a park. True to what I've come to know of Ash she was very encouraging, suggesting I give photography a try and saying she thought I might be decent. This afternoon I grabbed Ben's camera and headed out to the streets around the Dawg Haus, talking to God and admiring his ice encrusted creation.

Ice Storm

(click for my picasaweb album to view more)

"We're Awakening"

2007-12-08T11:14:00.000-06:00

Last night I watched Awakenings, an older film from 1990 long been residing on my list of "I'd like to watch that someday, but its not to pressing right now."

The movie tells an emotive story of a shut-in doctor, scared to engage with those around him. Taking a job caring for patients whom have been comatose for decades after surviving an encephalitis epidemic, proves first to challenge these tendencies. His gentleness and care with the patients tells of a deeply sensitive and caring man isolated by social insecurity. Upon trying an experimental drug his patients begin to awake from their coma-like-state hardly aware they had been gone. The gift of life, the simple things - taking a walk, dancing, singing are celebrated as they stir to life. The greatest awakening though happens in the doctor, who begins to live. To risk and engage with those around him.

Watching the movie provided an almost out-of-body experience, almost like watching the past years of my life. The doctor and I share some of the same story, a heart isolated but rescued to begin beating once again.

I was attempting to clean my room this morning when I came across a letter I wrote myself about 3 years ago at Ignite:

"God, you rescued my heart this conference. The process you began months ago by showing me the hardness of my heart and how closed off it has become has peaked here and now. Thank you for drawing me out and revealing wounds in my life and reasons for the state of my heart. You've brought me to the point where I am so completely frustrated with being emotionally cold to those around me and alone that I have no choice but to change. Hurting is at least feeling so at this point I'm ready to start the painful journey of healing. I want to live from a heart fully alive."
Ignite closing reflections 2004

Three years have passed since my pen bled those words, life has taken me many places since then, but God's leading has never been so apparent. This road is one of heart rescue.

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Now playing: Eisley - Brightly Wound
via FoxyTunes

First Snow

2007-12-06T22:37:00.000-06:00

(John street in front of the Dawg Haus)

As I sat on the couch tonight gazing out the window at the falling snow a smile came to my face. Snow always makes me smile. Snow brings with it a reminder of God's grace - to see such beauty painted on the canvas of death the fall leaves reminds me of being born anew, reminds me of how God is putting the world back together, reminds me of going from death to life.

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Now playing: Norah Jones - Don't Miss You At All
via FoxyTunes

"We gotta have bean juice!"

2007-12-03T11:13:00.000-06:00

"bring me the bean juice, I've been a good boy, bring me bean juice!"

As Chris and I chatted this morning we came to a realization that coffee must only have half the usual amount of caffeine on Mondays; thus twice the usual needs consuming. Our conversation reminded me of this e-greeting card:

(click on the image to go to the card

make sure you move the pot around and listen)

The Hope of Dreams to Come

2007-12-02T22:41:00.000-06:00

I'm not in the habit of over-sharing on this blog, nor vagary - some might refute that. Life has been sweet as of late:

"There's this girl.
That I know.
That I see
in my dreams at night.

See her smile.
Hold her hand.
Touch her face
I know she cares.
She cares."
~ Slingshot57

I haven't listened to this song in years - probably since I was a freshmen in college. Yet, as sleep begins to swallow me, it has crept into my head.

It makes me smile and makes me hope for sweet dreams.

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Now playing: Slingshot 57 - Crystal's Song
via FoxyTunes

Free Rice

2007-11-29T22:13:00.000-06:00

While working intently on his paper, Ben came across this website: Free Rice I thought it a wonderful idea - I play a game (and develop my vocabulary) the outcome of which feeds hungry people around the world.

Now, I don't need a game to remind me that my vocabulary isn't much larger than that of a high school senior, but I'll do my best to feed the poor and needy.

I played for about 10 minutes this evening and donated 300 grains of rice and received a vocab score of 42. Watch out Freerice.org, tomorrow is a Friday and I have a full work day to spend donating rice :)

O Tannenbaum

2007-11-27T00:05:00.000-06:00

O Christmas Tree O, Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us.
They're green when summer days are bright;
They're green when winter snow is white.
O, Christmas Tree, O, Christmas Tree,
Your branches green delight us!

Dawg Haus Christmas decorating 2007 shall live in infamy. Finding a tree proved a simple task this year - maybe due to fewer strongly opinionated Dawgs in this iteration. Even the controversial debate of white VS multicolored lights turned out a simple, civilized discussion. This is where the simplicity stopped though. At the end of the night (about 11:30PM) I had visited local stores on two occasions, once for lights and once for a tree stand. We replaced the old leaky stand after it leaked through the floor and onto Ben's Bed in the basement, Josh electrocuted himself with a rogue strand of lights and managed to cut up his fingers pretty good trying to fix said strand of lights.

As I give into sleep, I pray the tree stays standing through the night; part of me expects to awake to a loud crash as the tree topples to the floor.

Doggies

2007-11-26T13:31:00.000-06:00

Here are some of the friends I got to hang out with when I was home this past Thanksgiving:

Tyson: He's about 4 years old I think, a Yorkshire Terrier, and my mom's replacement for all us kids being gone. Tyson lives with my Mom and Stepdad. This guy is who I'm usually talking about when I say "my dog". Tyson is very loyal and affectionate, you need to either be playing with him or he needs to be laying on/next to you while you pet him. We're buds.

Wiggles: He's about 3 years old I think, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, and my Dad's replacement for all us kids being gone. He is incredibly attached to my Dad. He needs to always be by his side, he likes to ride in the truck with my Dad and has been known to knock over drinks (of all sorts) and lap them up. Wiggles likes to give hugs, which actually I find very awkward, but cute.

Rascal: This guy is a new addition to the extended family. He's still a puppy and getting potty trained. He's the "child" of my cousin Tara and her fiance. Rascal and I met for the first time at Thanksgiving dinner, he was pretty distracted by all the people and scraps of food, so we didn't bond as much as one might hope.

Toby: I didn't get to see Toby this weekend because Chris and Lisa were busy. He's a Silky Terrier puppy, still under a year I believe.

Leah: No, this is not a stuffed animal, she's a Bichon Frise/Miniature Poodle hybrid (I didn't realize dogs could be hybrids, but my sister-in-law says so). Leah and Toby live together so I also missed out on visiting with her this weekend.

I'm sorta getting into this pictures thing. I think I'll ask for a camera for Christmas, but for now you'll have to settle for pictures taken from my Treo and ripped off of facebook.

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Now playing: Over the Rhine - Goodbye Charles
via FoxyTunes

"German Engineering in da Houz"

2007-11-23T23:44:00.000-06:00

Photo Journalistic-esque:

My Friend Justin

His VW's

Tonight I got to catch up with one of my bestest friends, Justin Sears (the original JP). Justin has been a long time VW enthusiast - even before I was. The one on the left is his '83 Turbo-Diesel Jetta purchased when we were in high school, the one on the right is his '03 Jetta GLI with the VR6 purchased not long after I bought my Rabbit. Justin's a good friend, he brought me around to his church when we were kids and a major reason I'm following Jesus today. It was good to see him and get a chance to geek out about our irrational love for things VW and talk about important things too.

(Images stolen from JP's website, and the book of faces)

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Now playing: Scattertones - There There
via FoxyTunes

Heading 'Somewhere North'

2007-11-21T16:36:00.000-06:00

I don't miss the driving
Seems like forever
And I'm always driving in my mind
And wearing out the road that gets me there

And I'm driving till my eyes just can't see straight
But I suppose that it's getting late

I may never find the sleep
I've lost all feeling in my hands and
Feet may touch the ground but
My mind's somewhere north of here
~ Caedmon's Call "Somewhere North"

In about 5 minutes I'll be making the familiar drive up Interstate 57 to the Chicago Suburbs and then out to my Mom's place - all in the comfort of my beautiful VW. The drive is familiar, the house familiar, the people familiar - yet I always find it so hard to get out the door and head home. Maybe it's wanting to avoid the stress and tension of family brokenness, maybe it's just not wanting to leave what feels like home now, maybe it's being scared of feeling lonely with people who are supposed to know me well. Maybe I'm just over dramatic. I really do love my family and I've missed them a lot, I'm just trying to capture some of the inner tension right now.

Either way, here I go.

Is Evangelism Weak or Just Spiritual Formation?

2007-11-19T22:55:00.000-06:00

Tonight I was together with some folks from my church, Illini Life. Our objective for the night consisted of discussing where we find ourselves as a ministry, listing our strengths and weaknesses and such.

It didn't come as a surprise to most of us when we admitted that we are weak in evangelism and this potentially could be a major threat to the longevity of this group. As leaders and thinkers tend to do, I (and I suspect others) jumped to thinking about how we can fix this. How do we address this weakness?

Over the course of my Christian life I've heard a lot of teachings on evangelism and why I should be doing it more - the thing about these teachings though, I usually walk away feeling motivated by guilt. "I'm not a good enough Christian", "I must not love God enough", "Do I really have an 'eternal perspective'?" These sorts of things haunt me as I walk through life and so I might share about Jesus with a friend, but probably more motivated by guilt then because I truly believe they need to the truth of The Gospel.

Continuing in that group conversation though: We stopped and listened to an interview with some respected Christian leaders and Church researchers. What struck me out of this interview - these guys addressed weakness in evangelism in another manner. Essentially they claimed churches who have a strong emphasis on spiritual formation and true discipleship - building Jesus Followers with a kingdom mindset - are seeing evangelism happening. The natural outward flow of someone Following Jesus is to bring others into that lifestyle. While this isn't ground breaking, it caused me to think and question how we approach this weakness.

This raises questions for me, How much do I believe this idea? Do I trust this conclusion? And inversely, if our evangelism is weak, does that really mean our discipleship is weak? I welcome your thoughts and experiences - I'm processing so input is helpful.

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Now playing: Clemson Impulse - Insomniac Mix 1
via FoxyTunes

Getting Cold Again or What I like about Winter

2007-11-15T15:31:00.000-06:00

As I type my weather widget tells me the outside air has reached an almost tropical 41° today. A couple weeks ago I pulled out my jackets and sweaters from storage - I saw this coming, I'm still not ready for it.

I decided to make a list of a couple of things I am excited about now that it's cold in an effort to better ready myself for the long winter. An exhaustive list this is not - it serves the point though.

Things I like about the Cold:
Wool socks - Preferred Smartwool of course, although others will do.
Warm drinks - Ok so this one is year round with coffee, but now I look less like a junkie. This includes coffee, tea, hot chocolate, chai and occasionally cider.
Jazz music - Something about Jazz and the cold winter - the overcast skies, the barren trees, the way the night grows longer stealing away our days - just feels right.
Cold Cheeks and Nose - The fresh cold air on your face feels good, as long as the rest of you stays warm (Amy pointed this out today).
Snow - Beautiful, fun, white, essential for snowboarding

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Now playing: Thelonious Monk - Straight, No Chaser
via FoxyTunes

Identity

2007-11-13T22:32:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of identity in the past weeks - how I define who I am. The question of identity digs deep at my core, dragging up past hurts, wounds and ways I am not quite whole. Resting in who I am, not what I do or have to offer can be quite a challenge. Etched deep into my soul is the idea that I am the hat I wear. I am a Home Fellowship Leader, I am an engineer, I am a missionary.

This is how we talk isn't it? The backward thing about this: those are things I do, not who I am. They are not my identity and when I've made them my identity my world crumbles at the slightest failure or missed opportunity.

We are so much more than what we do or have to offer. As sons and daughters of the Most High King we are beautifully and wonderfully made in His image, we are heirs, and this is not because we are super-spiritual Jesus followers with impressive resumes.

I need to be reminded of my sonship often, if not daily. For far to often I forget and rest on what I do and have to offer as my identity.

He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. 11 He came to his own people, and even they rejected him. But to all who believed him and accepted him, he gave the right to become children of God. They are reborn—not with a physical birth resulting from human passion or plan, but a birth that comes from God.
John 1:10-13

God caught me this morning as I rushed through my morning routine - caught me and slowed me, reminding me that I am His son, to choose that hat today. I needed that.

Starstruck

2007-11-09T13:47:00.000-06:00

My roommate Matt is a stud. Last weekend some friends and I drove over to Illinois State University to hear him play at a Coffee House. He played quite a few songs, mostly his original stuff though he did include a fun cover of Counting Crows - Amy hit the atmosphere. One song I loved he is considering titling "Starstruck". I've posted the lyrics below:

You move like a melody
Your skin is pure as a dove
Your eyes melt like summer rain
Your smile is sweet and disarming
This could be love

But no, that's not how this works
I guess that's the trouble with falling first
Open your eyes
Come take a chance on me

If life was a movie then you'd be the star
How clever, how gentle, how lovely you are
Would you make me an extra in back of the scene
Or could I be your leading man
A king for the queen

Every time the telephone rings
I dream that it's you
Calling just to hear my voice
And tell me how you miss me too

But no, that's not how this works
I guess that's the trouble with falling first
Open your eyes
Come take a chance on me

If life was a movie then you'd be the star
How clever, how gentle, how lovely you are
Would you make me an extra in back of the scene
Or could I be your leading man
A king for the queen

You came to me quickly
And it's no surprise
You've stolen my heart
With one glance of your eyes
The heart's made for loving
So give it a try
Cause this could be everything
This could be everything

If life was a movie then you'd be the star
How clever, how gentle, how lovely you are
Would you make me an extra in back of the scene
Or could I be your leading man
A king for the queen
"Starstruck" ~ Matt Wondra

Matt's done a wonderful job capturing the early feelings of romance and attraction we experience as men, and maybe also for you women as well. I liken this to poetic genius - a gift evident in Matt and littered throughout his songs. I eagerly await the album he is recording, in his room, right above me. In the meantime check out his MySpace page for some samples.

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Now playing: Josh Garrels - Break Bread
via FoxyTunes

Fall Retreat Reflections: Part 2 Spiritual Insecurity

2007-11-07T14:35:00.000-06:00

Awhile back I posted saying I'd like to do a series of posts on the Illini Life Fall Retreat. It took sometime for the audio to make it up online and when it did I found myself to be to busy to write much. Not that I'm less busy now - just feel guilty that I failed to do what I said I would. So here goes...

Wayne Wager kicked off the retreat with a teaching about "Spiritual Insecurity". I thought it powerful hearing one of our pastors share about how he can feel spiritually insecure. Wayne related stories of early years in ministry and early years as a follower of Jesus - telling of how he didn't feel as if he lived up to the spiritual norm of the folks in this church and how some didn't expect he'd stay long. By God's grace and blessing they were wrong - Wayne now co-pastors this campus church and I'm thankful for his wisdom and care.

The curveball for me in this teaching, what caught me off guard - Wayne talked about how we can feel insecure about being spiritual around non-believers. To confess, this is often the case for me and I had yet to think of it in terms of spiritual insecurity. The feeling looks a bit like this:

You are out at Murphy's for lunch with your co-workers on a Wednesday. The conversation strays from work, to sports, to video games, to cars and then finally to the taboo topics: politics and religion. You have much to contribute on the matter of religion, but don't contribute much for fear you might be perceived as a fanatic. "Don't stand-out, blend in and be normal" One guy speaks up about how he believes Christianity is the only true path to God, you summon enough courage to agree, but that's all you say.

That was today, I was spiritually insecure today.

You can listen to Wayne's teaching here.

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Now playing: Madeleine Peyroux - You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go
via FoxyTunes

8 Year-old Genius Inventors

2007-11-06T17:23:00.000-06:00

These kids made me smile. I came across this on digg.com this afternoon. I sure could have used a pair of these growing up.

Moving Music

2007-11-04T14:49:00.000-06:00

So I'm stealing this from Amy, check out her blog for the original post.

Music can have a strong emotional pull on me - invoking happiness or sadness, and not always related to a past experience. As I thought over my favorite artists I realized the ones a top the list have the strongest grip over me - Derek Webb, Counting Crows, Damien Rice, Ray LaMontagne, to name a few.

Sometimes a song in it's completeness - music, lyrics, vocals - draws out a feeling of joy. For me, worship music often follows this line, but as my previous post showed, fun ska or punk music can do it too. Other songs just make me want to cry. Here are a couple of those types:

"Fix You" by Coldplay - Coldplay is an interesting band for me, the vocals usually pull me down but the guitar and drums make me want to move and sway which makes me smile. This song though just makes me teary.

"Colorblind" by Counting Crows - I'm a sap for a sad piano song, well any piano song I guess, but the start to this song causes emotion to well up and my eyes to fill. Then the violin sets in and I'm gone. This song is probably the most consistent tear invoker on the list.

"The Blowers Daughter" by Damien Rice - Soaked in pain, you can hear the hurt in Damien's voice and it moves my heart to morn with him.

"Black eye" by Jeff Tweedy - This one doesn't always get me, but on days when I feel alone and distant from God, forgetting his grace and love, this song reminds me of all the walls I've constructed and how good they are at isolating me.

"Let that be enough" by Switchfoot - So worshipful, so prayerful, it centers me on God and illuminates ways I've chosen my way instead of His. It strips me down to a simple child like faith and puts me back together.

This was a lot of fun for me, what songs make you want to cry. Or if you like, what songs make you joyful?

Just For Fun - Lots of Music

2007-11-02T12:29:00.000-05:00

Last night Josh put on some Five Iron Frenzy songs at the haus - I haven't listened to FIF in like a thousand yesterdays. Reese Rooper has been tickling my ears as I smile remembering concerts of the high school and early college years.

Tonight I'm going to hear my roommate and good friend Matt Wondra play some sweet tunes at a coffee house near ISU. Ben, Amy and I are driving over together. Check out Matt's MySpace page to get some samples of his superpowers.

I used my emusic monthly quota to download Spoon - Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (because I've respected Spoon for a while but don't own any of their stuff) and Josh Garrels - Over Oceans (under Josh's recommendation). Both albums are super sweet.

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Now playing: Five Iron Frenzy - Dandelions
via FoxyTunes

Halloween funness

2007-11-01T10:19:00.000-05:00

So yesterday was Halloween. Ben Chase, Matt Wondra and I had initially planned on doing a group costume for a party a couple friends were hosting, Matt had to cancel do to some prior commitments though. Ben and I almost didn't go to the party cause our costume wouldn't quite work-out, also because neither of us really felt in the party mood. I'm glad I went though, it was a lot of fun.

Here is a picture of Ben and I. Ben was Shadrack, Matt was gonna be Meshack and I was One Bad Amigo. So we were Shadrack, Meshack and One Bad Amigo :) We thought that was clever and pretty funny.

New Nooma - 018 Name

2007-10-31T18:58:00.000-05:00

A new Nooma was released today, the eighteenth in the series. Those of you that heard me speak at Illini Life Summer Church or at the Fall Retreat might find some of the material familiar. This Nooma is a bit of a summary of a couple of life changing teachings I've listened to frequently by Rob Bell.

For the next 48 hours you can watch the NOOMA for free on their MySpace page.

It was good to be reminded of these truths today.

I Shall Not Walk Alone

2007-10-27T12:43:00.000-05:00

"I Shall Not Walk Alone"
By Ben Harper

Battered and torn
still I can see the light
tattered and worn
but I must kneel to fight

Friend of mine
what can't you spare
I know some times
it gets cold in there

When my legs no longer carry
and the warm wind chills my bones
I reach for Mother Mary
and I shall not walk alone

Hope is alive
while we're apart
only tears
speak from my heart
break the chains
that hold us down
and we shall be
forever bound

When I'm tired and weary
and a long way from home
I reach for Mother Mary
and I shall not walk alone

Beauty that
we left behind
how shall we
tomorrow find

Set aside
our weight in sin
so that we
can live again

When my legs no longer carry
and the warm wind chills my bones
I reach for Mother Mary
and I shall not walk alone

I've recently gotten into Ben Harper. He's an artist I've heard a lot about and respect simply because friends I respect like him. Matt Wondra's brother moved in with us a couple weeks back and loaned me one of Ben Harper's Albums "Will To Live". After listening through a couple of times I've come to really love this album. It's beautiful and this track is pure poetry in it's simplicity.

We shall not walk alone for the God of all creation walks beside us.

Retreating to the Wilderness

2007-10-24T08:40:00.000-05:00

Illinois has mountains too... well sorta. This is Camel Rock in the Garden of the Gods, part of Shawnee National Forest in Southern Illinois.

In a few short minutes I'll be on the road with my twin brother Chris headed for Harrisburg, IL. We'll be spending the next 3 1/2 days hiking a small section of the River to River trail - specifically we are destined for The Garden of the Gods.

I'm excited to have a chance to retreat and spend some refreshing simplistic time with God. I pray He meets with me as I walk through creation and communions with me as I drink deep of His beauty.

See you in a few days.

Sunlight

2007-10-18T15:03:00.000-05:00

Typically after a marathon I tend to struggle more with feeling down and emotional - some runners have a term for this, Post Marathon Depression. While I'm not sure I'd call it depression - certainly there is a great feeling of lose and emptiness. In one respect you reached the goal through months of training, uplifting. Then there is the emptiness of not having a goal to strive for, not having a motivation to get back on the road and put in the miles. In addition you have the physical limitation; your body simply needs to recover and your legs can be mad at you for sometime. Typically my body needs about 2 weeks to recover and feel up to pounding the road again.

Reviewing previous years it shouldn't come as a surprise that the past weeks have been pretty tough emotionally and felt so exhausting. Periodically I've felt overwhelmed with emotion - making it hard to be around friends or even complete my work.

Yesterday I noticed the hours of sunlight dwindling, like they do each fall, and that made me sad. Soon it'll be dark when I go to work in the morning and dark when I get off. Over the years I've heard claims that sunlight helps fight depression, so I've made it a point to get outside today - visiting some of the buildings I'm networking. Surprising how much better I feel just from getting to see the sun a bit - how much more hopeful life seems. It excites me and reminds me of this idea of God being light and us as followers being salt and light.

I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark. ~ Jesus (John 12:46)

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Now playing: Derek Webb - This Too Shall Be Made Right
via FoxyTunes

Fall Retreat Reflections: Part 1 The Intro

2007-09-25T09:47:00.000-05:00

This weekend marked our annual Fall Retreat. Each year Illini Life heads off to a little camp near Peoria to get away from the busyness of campus and the chaos of year's beginning. In the past we've brought in a speaker to teach the 4 or so main sessions - this year our teachers were all in-house which aided a more family centric feel to the retreat.

The topic of focus: Insecurities - Physical, Emotional and Social.

I felt the weekend was very accessible and left me with a great deal of hope. Sharing honestly about our insecurities - what is really going on behind tearful eyes, or a joyous smile - breaks down walls and makes me feel less alone. Sharing in others insecurities removes the isolating and crippling power they have over us.

I'd like to try and write a series of posts on this weekend, reflecting on each of the teachings and the things God has shown me through them. I say try because we all know I'm not so consistent with posting.

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Now playing: Iron & Wine - Resurrection Fern
via FoxyTunes

A World in Disorder

2007-09-21T09:25:00.000-05:00

I arrived at work this morning like usual and browsed my podcasts. NPR story of the day, The New from Lake Wobegon, Pandora podcast, This American Life, etc. "'Jena Six' Case Prompts Mass Demonstrations" - the NPR headline seemed to leap out. Clicking 'play' I found my heart beating faster, an anger welling up and sadness deepening.

Initially I was angry that racism could still be so prevalent in this little town in the south. Then I began to admit it's not just in the south, in this little town. I see it in my upbringing, I see it at home, I see it on this campus, I see it in my life - through my white privilege and learned behavior.

In the darkness of racism it becomes so apparent to me that Jesus is the hope of the World and that he is putting it all back together again. We simply can't fix things apart from God.

NPR was my first exposure to this issue - the whole story feels like something out of a text book describing the 60's. You can read more here at BBC.

One of the more interesting bits of the article to me is how the community is described as a "mixed community" about 85% White and 12% black, yet the churches are not so 'mixed' nor are the neighborhoods or even the barber shop.

Continuing my morning routine I noticed a blog post by JR Woodward about this topic. As usual it's worth reading.

Here is a brief YouTube Photo Story:

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Now playing: Derek Webb - A New Law
via FoxyTunes

"Everything must change"

2007-09-17T15:52:00.000-05:00

"If Jesus' message of the kingdom of God is true, then everything must change. Everything must change." ~ Brian McLaren Everything Must Change

As I sat at my desk today, my mind straying to thoughts about this coming weekend, I found myself more and more pulled to God. Talking to Him about anything and everything. This video quenched some of my thirst for something deeper today - something more than computers, networking and music.

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Now playing: Over The Rhine - Born
via FoxyTunes

Ruined Childhood Perceptions

2007-08-31T20:37:00.000-05:00

Tonight some friends of mine laughed as I explained how I thought it was weird that Garfield the Cat had a mustache. Apparently he doesn't and I've been wrong all these years. Take a look for yourself, the yellow totally looks like a mustache:

Also I decided I don't like Garfield cause he's orange.

Daft Hands

2007-08-13T09:44:00.000-05:00

So I haven't posted in awhile and nothing to serious... so I'll break part of that trend and post a cool YouTube video Ben Chase showed me awhile back. Enjoy!

Music + Friends + Running = Fun

2007-07-23T09:17:00.000-05:00

It's been a bit since I last posted. Odd how compelled I feel to apologize and explain how life has been busy - only that would seem to imply I have points of non-busyness. It's been quite the norm as of late though, packed days, long hours at work, early morning running - all along the list of people to catch-up with and things on the backburner boiling over. I just returned from Wilderness LT and I feel like I need another vacation. This weekend served as a bit of a break. I can't remember the last time I got to work on a Monday and thought "that was a really fun weekend!"

On Friday Chris, Marla and I went to Mike and Molly's to see Elsinore play - tangent: These guys are awesome, great song writing, great vocals, original style and feel. You should buy their CD Nothing for Design on iTunes and Ryan Groff Solo CD People In The Midwest from Parasol.

On Saturday I got up extra early and joined the Buffalo - the trail running group of Second Wind Running Club. Marla has been inviting me out to run with them for over a year now, figured I'd finally take her up on the offer. We did a 10 mile loop around Lake Clinton. It was a beautiful morning, the temperature cool, the shade nice, and the trail clean. That evening there was a going away party for a friend who is moving back to Taiwan and then I caught up with some friends at Cowboy Monkey for a bit.

Early Sunday morning Darren, Marla and I joined the Second Wind fall marathoners for a long training run. Feeling a little beaten up by the trails the previous day I only did 11 miles instead of the planned 16. The remainder of the day was relaxing, some dinner and watched The Last King of Scotland. I fell asleep last night with a smile on my face - good music, good friends, good running.

Blog Samples: Sin

2007-06-14T12:36:00.000-05:00

I came across this post by Scott McKnight on Jesus Creed, I thought it worth sharing.

Letters to Emerging Christians
"Now my final point: the biggest issue that I see with the Romans Road approach is that once the sin problem is resolved (sin almost always understood as guilt before an all-holy God, which is true but not true enough), salvation has been accomplished. Frankly, this isn’t biblical: the sin problem of guilt, to be sure, has to be resolved, but sin is bigger than guilt (it is distorted relationship with God, self, others, and the world) and therefore the resolution (salvation) is bigger than forgiveness (it is resolved relationships with God, self, others, and the world — and it takes a lifetime). Only a kingdom vision makes the sin problem fully clear and only a kingdom vision makes the solution fully clear."

More xkcd Comics

2007-06-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

I've been writing a lot lately to prepare for my talk at i-life summer church tonight. Eventually I'll post here on the talk and maybe even get a link to the audio. For right now I thought this was fun:

Complements of xkcd.com

Ready... Set... Start Marathon Training

2007-06-04T15:31:00.001-05:00

I've been signed up for the Chicago Marathon for awhile now. I was lucky this year and got in before registration filled up. Race day is October 7th, which, if I can still count to 18, means I need to start training this week. My training thus far has involved eating a lot of cookies, playing Nintendo Wii and watching movies - a very rigorous schedule. These coming weeks are guaranteed to be painful, tiring and tons of fun. Let me know if you want to join me for a run at any point or for any portion of a run.

Running has been a great release for me in recent years - a way for me to clear my head and get alone and think. As the road stretches out before me and the miles pile up behind I find myself drifting in and out of conversation with God. At times it seems easier to pray when I'm running than at any other point of the day. I welcome the spiritual renewal that has traditionally come with training.

Here are some pics chris took last year when I ran Chicago.

Marathon History:
2005 Indianapolis Marathon 3:52:19
2006 Chicago Marathon 3:44:00
2007 Chicago Marathon 3:3-:-- (Hopefully)

A Guilty Pleasure

2007-05-29T09:52:00.000-05:00

So there is this show that a lot of early teens watched. It's so clever and witty with world class writing and not cheese at all. In fact one might even say it's gonna be a defining classic of this generation. It's so real and accessible, so much like real life it's scary.

I started watching it this weekend. Starting for the beginning, the pilot episode.

Wondering what it is?

OK, so all that stuff I said about it isn't true. But it's still addicting like any teen soap opera should be. Plus watching Seth feels like watching my life. I'm coming to grips with the fact that not all that I consume in the way of entertainment needs to be deep, thoughtful, or even intelligent - and The OC fits there.

Returning to the Wilderness

2007-05-22T12:25:00.001-05:00

It's official!

I'll be returning the wilderness of Colorado for an 8 day trip oriented around connecting with God in a uniquely distraction-free way. We call the program Wilderness LT or WLT. Part of the GCM Network, WLT takes a group out into the wilderness for an extended period of time focused on the spiritual disciplines of Solitude, Silence, Fasting, Prayer, and Simplicity.

There is a strict list of equipment we are allowed to bring - only the essentials, NO Coffee :( The food rations are small for the few days that we will be eating. Five days of complete solitude. No music, TV, or computers to distract me. Just God, me and my issues. It breads intimacy that forever changes how you follow Jesus.

We'll be returning to the same remote wilderness we stayed in back in the summer of 2005. Pictures of that excursion can be seen here. The dates of this summer's trip are July 6-14. I'm eager for it to arrive.

Fortune Cookie

2007-05-21T11:41:00.000-05:00

A couple Fridays ago some friends and I went to a Chinese Buffet for dinner. It was fun despite the fact that I couldn't eat most of the food there - boo on non-vegetarian friendly restaurants. I thought I'd share my fortune with you it's super deep and insightful:

"You are the mast of everything situation"

Yay, Illinois!

2007-05-18T13:12:00.000-05:00

Welp apparently Illinois is the most average of all the states. Average in racial makeup, slightly above average in income and urban-ness. But alas the good old Illinois... just average. The least average is West Virginia.

NPR: Story of the Day

Music, Music, Music

2007-05-15T16:02:00.000-05:00

When I have nothing better to post about I decide to post on albums that are getting lots of playtime. The time is such.

Eyes Open by Snow Patrol
I continue to find it surprising that I'm listening to this first album so much - surprising because I might label it more mainstream-pop-music-ish than anything else I typically listen too. Maybe it's the melancholy that has been visiting me for quite sometime now. Maybe it's the brit-pop-rock. Maybe it's the foot tapping bass beat. Or just the way it sounds blasting in my VW. I have enjoyed the composition of this album - one song flowing into the next, telling the over dramatic story of love desired and love lost. With lines that shock my heart into worship, lines like "I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own"

Favorite Tracks: Chasing Cars, Open Your Eyes

The Ringing Bell by Derek Webb
Derek continues to stir up controversy and break the Christian Music mold with politically provocative songs like "A Savior On Capitol Hill". "Come on D.C. if it be thy will, because we've never had a savior on capitol hill" The electric/rock feel of the CD is reminiscent of Mockingbird, with subtle breaks where he reverts to an almost early Caedmon's guitar and vocals feel lamenting about love, grace and God. The album runs a thoughtful, lyricful packed 30 minutes, leaving me wishing for more. Well worth the money. If you have the graphic novel and would be willing to loan it out... I'd love you.

Favorite Tracks: I Don't Want to Fight, This Too Shall Be Made Right
Bonus: check out www.noisetrade.com and www.squarepegalliance.com both Derek related projects.

Oh yeah and if you're a Wilco fan, Go buy their new album right now. I'm holding off on reviewing it until I've listened through it a couple times.

Small Talk... It's so awkward

2007-04-28T09:52:00.000-05:00

+10 nerd points to wondra for posting xkcd comics on his blog, causing me to waste over an hour chuckling at nerdtastic jokes.

Global Internet NOC Page

2007-04-20T10:02:00.000-05:00

Incase you notice your internets are down or slow you can check the Global Internet Status Page complete with a blog:

Skittles Commercial

2007-04-11T19:59:00.000-05:00

I saw this commercial tonight and it caught me off guard - pretty sure I laughed through the entire next commercial slot.

enjoy!

What is that to you?

2007-04-10T21:19:00.000-05:00

After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”
“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.
Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”
“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.
A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.”
Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.
“I tell you the truth, when you were young, you were able to do as you liked; you dressed yourself and went wherever you wanted to go. But when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and others will dress you and take you where you don’t want to go.” Jesus said this to let him know by what kind of death he would glorify God. Then Jesus told him, “Follow me.”
Peter turned around and saw behind them the disciple Jesus loved—the one who had leaned over to Jesus during supper and asked, “Lord, who will betray you?” Peter asked Jesus, “What about him, Lord?”
Jesus replied, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me."
~ John 21:15-22

Awhile back I downloaded a message Rob Bell gave at his Church - this passage the focus. He talks throughout about how in John's Gospel we see this petty rivalry between John and Peter. John refers to himself as 'The disciple Jesus loved', he explains that he ran faster than Peter and arrived at Jesus' empty tomb first, points out how Peter denies Jesus 3 times, to name a few.

I went to Easter Mass with my Dad when I was home and the priest referenced the passage of John running faster than Peter to the empty tomb only he painted it in the light of John's young age and put some spin to the effect of John's youth made him less wise than St. Peter - hinting at worth and spiritual maturity being greater in the older, wiser St. Peter.

So much comparison - measuring one man against another.

The challenging part of this passage comes when Jesus says "What is that to you?" He gives Peter a purpose, tells him what his life is meant for and alludes to how he's going to die, but Peter is more concerned with what John gets. "What about him?"

This is the comparison game - what steals my joy and my peace - and "the disciple Jesus loved" and the disciple Jesus builds his church on are playing it. It is so far ingrained in my humanity it twists even the simplest things in life. I compare my stuff, my progress at work, my spirituality, how effective I am at teaching and leading, how I pray, how much I read my Bible, how smart I sound, how smart I am, how fast I run, how far I run, what I look like, how much money I make, how much money I give away, how many people read this blog, I'm sure I could type for the rest of the night and still have more to list.

The point is Jesus has given me a purpose (some might call it a calling but that's too churchy sounding), I shouldn't be concerned with what everyone else gets. Living like that is being content, it is being comfortable in your own skin, it is being who God made you to be.

He's given each of us a purpose - we shouldn't be asking "what about him?" because Jesus' answer is "What is that to you? As for you, follow me."

New Product From Google :)

2007-04-01T22:07:00.000-05:00

Just in case you didn't catch this on Google today: they are offering a free broadband service in your home now. All you need to do is contact them to receive a free kit - complete with a wireless router, spool of Fiber Optic Cable and Installation CD. They are calling it TiSP. Here is a sample from the FAQs:

Is this offering a tiered service? How does Google's position on Net Neutrality effect TiSP?
Although we understand that there's a lot of crap on the web, we also believe strongly in providing equal opportunity access to all our users. While we won't limit your surfing choices, we do offer three levels of TiSP service:

Trickle The #2 Royal Flush

Download speed (max)

8 Mbps
(10X basic DSL)

16 Mbps
(20X basic DSL)

32 Mbps
(40X basic DSL)

Upload speed (max)

2 Mbps

4 Mbps

8 Mbps

Price

Free

$9.95/mo.

$24.95/mo.

Actual speeds will vary, depending on network traffic and sewer line conditions. Users with low-flow toilets may simultaneously experience a saving-the-environment glow and slower-data-speed blues.

Apparently installation is simple. You attach a weight to the end of the fiber and flush it down your Toilet, letting the spool roll out. Then you connect the other end of the fiber to your TiSP wireless router and one of their Plumbing Hardware Dispatchers (PHDs) hooks up your fiber to an Internet access node.

Ah... happy April 1st.

VW: Ze German Engineering

2007-03-28T14:26:00.000-05:00

Well I did it. After 8 months of searching, pondering and saving I bought a car. I had long since decided to buy a Volkswagen for their reliability and attention to detail - as one sales guy told me "there is a high correlation between engineers and Volkswagens."

About a month ago I visited my dealer to talk to Brooks, my third sales guy - I didn't really get along with the previous two. I had long ago decided I wanted a black, two door, manual rabbit which was suprisingly hard to find. Brooks was pretty accomodating, he didn't have what I wanted on the lot and instead of trying to get me to buy something else or change my preferences on color, etc he began searching other dealers to make a trade for my car. About a week later he called me and said he found one.

She was leaving the line in Wolfsburg, Germany and would be in the USA on the March 22 and ready for me to check out shortly after that. A couple weeks past. On Monday, Brooks called me and said she arrived and was being unwrapped - she would be ready for pick up at 4:00. So exciting! I met up with Brooks at the dealer around 4:00 after work and we looked over the car, went through the necessary paper work, haggled over add-on packages, APR, etc. and at 6:15 I drove my new rabbit off the lot with just 12 miles on it. :)

I'm taking suggestions for names, keep in mind she is a girl (of course).

More Free Caffeine

2007-03-19T11:14:00.000-05:00

Free Iced Coffee from Dunkin Donuts Wednesday March 21, 2007. (Press Release)
Well last week's free Starbucks helped get me through the week - with the official change of seasons this week and free iced coffee from DD, I'd say getting through this week won't be so tough either.

Just for fun: calculate your daily caffeine intake. See if you beat me I'm between 580 and 725mg / day. "OK. THAT'S ENOUGH"

Playing in the Sand

2007-03-14T09:21:00.000-05:00

I'm being really productive this morning :)

It all started when I was reading JK's recent post and then jumped over to his flickr sets - this dude has shot some pretty cool pictures. Once there I noticed a picture of a time I had almost all together forgotten.
A group of us from i-life were headed to Mexico to build homes for families in need about 3 years ago. One morning on our journey down we stopped off at White Sands National Park - I think simply to be kids again. The picture is of Ben Chase, Matt Dobsch, and Me (from left to right). We are jumping off the edge of a sand dune. Funtimes.

mmmm... Coffee

2007-03-14T08:57:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post for all my fellow caffeine junkies out there:

Many thanks to the NCSA branch of Coffee Club for bring this to my attention.

Being A Kid Again

2007-03-09T13:35:00.000-06:00

Today begins Engineering Open House 2007 at The University of Illinois - think of it like a Nerd Carnival. It never seemed to amaze me throughout my undergrad how the entire engineering campus simply shuts down for the day in order to entertain and dazzle the hordes of high school and college students that roam the campus during this event. Competitions, Project displays, Interactive models, Cooperate recruiters, Live music, Rube Goldberg Machines, Food, and Colorful sign-age - all typical staples of EOH. This is the premier event for engineers - we get to be kids again, ohhing and ahhing at the genius, wonder and creativity of humanity.

As I wandered north campus this afternoon and saw old friends showcasing their skillz and ingenuity I felt a strong pull to join the ranks of academia again.

"Why not just go back and get your masters, that professor would sponsor you..."
"The homework and late nights weren't so bad, you miss em you know?"
"Working is so normal and boring, you do the same thing day in and day out..."

But alas, I navigated back to my desk and returned to work - I guess you need to grow up at some point.

"Close your eyes, Open your heart"

2007-03-08T16:38:00.000-06:00

At some point I'm gonna need to sit down and write thoughts on a lot of the films I've watched recently, well the good ones at least:

This week I watched The Science of Sleep with a couple of friends. It takes a lot these days to really draw me into a story, to allow me to turn off my brain - this film did it. The story is painfully true to how awkward life can feel, at least my life. In an uncanny way it captures the feeling of being trapped by growing up. The movie has an almost music-video-ish feel to it, especially during the dream sequences. If you've not seen this film you should.

Putting The World Back Together

2007-02-19T09:08:00.000-06:00

I've been listening to a provocatively titled teaching series by Rob Bell lately - Jesus Wants to Save Christians - given last fall at his church Mars Hill. I downloaded it then and it has since become unavailable online in order to make room for more recent teachings. While listening this weekend I heard Rob describe his Church as

"Counter cultural insurgency who actually believes the world can be put back together because we think that's what Jesus has in mind."

I find this description delightful - it pulled to the front of my mind the University of Illinois Board of Trustees decision last week to end the tradition of Chief Illiniwek. While the Board of Trustees doesn't serve as a group of Jesus followers we can still celebrate the putting-back-togetherness of the world in such instances of social justice. Part of seeing the world put back together involves hearing the voice of the marginalized, fighting for equality and righting the wronged.

This decision is no doubt controversial - the debate has been raging for decades. Prior to arriving on campus in '01 I had decided to reside on the "anti-chief" side of the issue (how we refer to those not supportive of Chief Illiniwek). I attribute the heartache and sensitivity to this issue to a work God did in my heart on a missions trip to Pine Ridge Indian Reservation in the summer of '01. This is the location of the Oglala Sioux Nation whom the University received a set of Chief Regalia from and argues that it is in part honoring in the Chief's Tradition. A recent quote from the Native American House at the University of Illinois in reference to the January 17, 2007 Oglala Sioux Resolution concerning Chief Illiniwek speaks to the level of "honor" these people feel:

There can be no misreading of the Oglala Sioux Resolution—those to whom the Lakota regalia belongs and whom the Board of Trustees claims to be honoring have clearly requested that the performance and charade of “chief illiniwek” end.

Just one month later they found their request granted. Further thoughts and press releases form the NAH on this issue can be found here.

Simply put I find it hard to follow Jesus and support the oppression and degradation of another people group and I believe it naive to claim the Chief an honoring symbol of a living -breathing people. I don't believe this issue stops with Chief Illiniwek, how about the Spartans, the Fighting Irish?

Do you have thoughts on the issue, I'd love to hear them? Never seen the Chief dance: click here

News from Lake Wobegon

2007-02-16T11:17:00.000-06:00

Many thanks to Beno for bringing this to my attention: The great story teller Garrison Keillor finally available on iTunes. Listening to GK serves as a reminder of his mastery of comedy and story. Check out A Prairie Home Companion - the APM radio show he anchors and source of the podcast. The segment on iTunes is "News From Lake Wobegon" - a standard segment of each APHC installment.

Occasionally I listen to The Writers Almanac by GK, another production of American Public Media. It highlights a poem each day and gives history on literary figures.

"That's the news from Lake Wobegon where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average."

Darkness

2007-02-14T16:36:00.000-06:00

It's cheesy and cliche to post song lyrics on your blog :

I wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough
~ Switchfoot "Let that Be Enough"

Such a simple, beautiful song, yet wonderfully true to what it feels like to be in the darkness of aloneness, wanting so badly to escape it. This is life more often than I would care to admit. I believe this to be a trait of a person who wants to follow Jesus - acknowledging I'm a kid who knows he's needy and desiring so strongly to know that God loves me. Aloneness plagues us all, since the fall we've been desiring to be restored to God, to walk in-step with the living God.

All around me lay things falsely claiming they can make me happy. We've been down that road before, we've used that to try and kill the pain, to try and get out of the darkness. Jesus is the one true way out of the darkness.

Snowday?

2007-02-13T15:38:00.000-06:00

Remember how fun snowdays used to be as a kid? You know the routine, wake up as usual but make sure to take your time getting ready. Watch the school closings scroll across the tv below the morning news casters - "I didn't see district 300 that time, maybe the next time around, or the one after that. Surely they can't be expecting us to go outside in this!" When in reality all you can think about doing is climbing the biggest hill in the neighborhood sled in hand - heart racing as you head for the enormous-very-dangerous-looking ramp the older boys built.

Years have passed since the snowdays of youth. Today I learned something about snowdays in the adult world that caused me to long for the ones of childhood. A blizzard-ish storm started beating on Chambana last evening and supposed to continue on through the tonight - resulting in the University of Illinois closing for at least today, maybe tomorrow as well. Since I work for the U of I that meant I was sent home this morning after working just a few short hours.

That's how I learned that when you're an adult a snowday doesn't mean sledding, hot chocolate and naps, but instead means your home becomes your office. Here is a picture of my new office:

Comfy huh? It doubles as a bedroom - which is convenient for those long afternoons after a big lunch.

When you work in IT as a Network Nerd you are the people responsible for making it possible to work from home. Translation : there is no good excuse for me to not be working today. The change of scenery is nice though.

As A Mirror

2007-02-07T09:27:00.000-06:00

I've been meditating on these verses recently - they cling to the back of my mind. I find myself wondering if I am reflecting the glory of the Lord, how changed am I?

"But whenever someone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—who is the Spirit—makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image."
2 Corinthians 3:16-18

Ah... Norah

2007-02-01T09:55:00.000-06:00

The lovely Norah Jones released a new album: Not Too Late a couple days ago. It should come as no surprise to know I pre-ordered it on iTunes about a month ago. iTunes tells me I've listened to the album 5 times from start to finish - with the 6th time beginning as I write this post. She sang me to sleep last night :).

There is something captivating about her voice, something beautiful, something alluring. This holds true in this album, however it does have a different feel than the previous two. I'm pleased with it, you should check it out!

Favorite Tracks: Wish I Could, Wake Me Up

Blog Samples: Conversation

2007-01-25T09:00:00.000-06:00

Numerous times in past weeks I've sat to write and nothing comes out. I have all kinds of ideas and thoughts - just getting them out has proved a challenge. Agonizing over word choice and worrying about perfection plagues my heart and sends me running to other things, mostly reading other blogs. So today I thought I'd attempt to write but simply a post highlighting a wonderful post from Scott McKnight on Jesus Creed

The Art of Conversation 3
"Third, a good conversation operates on the basis of frequently-unexpressed but nearly always assumed, shared assumptions. I find this to be a regular hang-up on the blog. Many of us operate with a set of assumptions — and it would be fun to bring to expression what these really are — but we don’t talk about them. When someone violates them, we raise our eyebrows or start to wiggle our fingers and maybe even break into a sweat."

Scott McKnight has authored many books and blogs on a regular basis. This blog holds a place in my regular/daily blog intake.

Toys and Vacation

2007-01-17T21:13:00.000-06:00

The whirlwind of holidays is over now; or more accurately, recovery from the whirlwind of holidays is now complete. The past month saw me bouncing around the suburbs visiting family, enjoying the eerie quiet that consumes the vacated campus, hosting visitors for New Years and breathing the beautiful snowy air of Upper Peninsula Michigan.

As usual I received an unholy amount of gifts from my family - including gift cards meant for a Nintendo Wii, which Best Buy has yet to get in stock. Among my gifts, Settlers of Catan, firefly and multiple excellent books. With the cash-money my job provides me I was able to buy things for people that were along the lines of their desires and meaningful to them - my brother got a burr grinder which was hard for me to part with since I so badly wanted it for myself. Enjoy it Chris!

In addition to the loot received from my family I purchased a palm treo680 for myself. For the most part I'm pleased with it, however it crashes more than I would admit is acceptable. My treo had been in my possession nearly 3 weeks when Mr. Steve Jobs announced the new apple iPhone. If you know me at all you know the past week has been quite the mind game - "should I keep my treo or return it and wait for an iPhone?"

I've decided to keep it and commit to buying an iPhone as my next over-powered-all-in-one-cellular device.

I leave you now with this wonderful picture of me holding my baby.

Chris documented the UP Snowboarding trip pictorially with his new camera, you can find some of them in his Picasa Album.

"Facts are not what most humans believe ... "

2006-12-21T08:49:00.000-06:00

While on iTunes the other day I noticed a free audiobook that seemed interesting enough: The Areas of My Expertise by John Hodgman. The audiobook, read by the author - John Hodgman, claims to be an almanac of complete world knowledge according to the writer. The past several days have found my office mate and I listening to the book while working - chuckling due to the absurdity.

Here is a quote from the book I found hilarious and quite summarily appropriate of the book. I've transcribed it here for you:

"The main advantage that this book has over libraries and indeed all of it's almanacian predecessors is that all the historical oddities and amazing true facts contained here in are lies, made up by me. And it is this astonishing innovation that allows each entry to contain many more truths than if it were merely factual.

If this last point seems confusing to you consider the banal and truthful statement that follows:

Fredric Chopin was a Polish composer in the romantic style who wrote primarily for the piano.

I guess this is sort of interesting, as most facts are, but history has shown us again and again that Facts are not what most humans believe, they are not that which moves most men or women to love, or hate, or joy or cry.

Now compare this statement:

Fredric Chopin was a Polish composer in the Romantic style who was obsessed with lady bugs, often letting dozens of them gallop over his neck, arms and long tapering fingers while playing the piano.

Obvious the lie is so much more compelling. It shocks the mind and plays on the readers imagination with lady bug covered hands. New resonances emerge and new melodies of insight - not just into the nature of Chopin but also the art of composing, the history of the lady bug as good luck charm and colio-opterophilia (spelling - meaning ?). It also finally explains how Chopin solved his terrible aphid problem."

You may recognize the voice and or face of John Hodgman as the PC from the recent "Buy a Mac" commercials in which he has done an amazing job encapsulating the ineptitude of a common PC/PC user :)

Download the free audiobook and enjoy the many laughs guaranteed through a listening, if you find yourself financially inclined, purchase the book.

A Confession

2006-12-15T10:52:00.000-06:00

I’ve been thinking about this learnt behavior I have. It came to me sometime over the course of my Christian life and I’ve been trying to unlearn it for quite sometime. Maybe you can relate. It looks like this:

I’m talking to someone about their faith and there are basically two outcomes, either they claim Christian as their label or non-Christian. The latter is the easier case in a lot of ways. I say that because when someone tells me they do not consider themselves a Christian we continue to talk about life and faith and the like – in essence the conversation doesn’t shift or change. God remains the focal point of the conversation but in the practical, real ways He exist in my life and theirs. The more cumbersome case proves to be when a person claims Christian as their label. Seemingly immediately my heart enacts the learnt behavior of faith detective – the conversation shifts to checking for religious speak. What my heart is really listening for - the secret pass-phrase if you will – ‘accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior.’ Once I hear it I then have to answer questions. Did they just grow up in the Church and know the secret words, what does their heart really believe?

This is wrong. This is backwards.

The problem here lies in a disconnect in how I am listening to each person. It would seem I take a person who doesn’t consider themselves a Christian at their word, while someone who does requires detective work. I believe completely that to follow Jesus is to accept Him as Lord and Savior – only I think we measure that like Jesus suggests, by the fruit of the tree. If a person has a desire to follow Jesus and are trying to do so we see evidence of such. You see it in how they talk about others, how they talk about themselves, how they talk about God. To understand someone’s heart requires commitment and desire to know them – not just looking for conformity to religious speak.

I believe understanding if a person is a Christian to be a vital part of shepherding and caring for people, only I think in a lot of ways I’ve learned to do it the wrong way. I’ve learned to make sure they conform their vocabulary to that of Christian normalcy. I like the why Eugene Peterson translates Jesus words in Matthew 7:21-23:

Knowing the correct password—saying 'Master, Master,' for instance— isn't going to get you anywhere with me. What is required is serious obedience—doing what my Father wills. I can see it now—at the Final Judgment thousands strutting up to me and saying, 'Master, we preached the Message, we bashed the demons, our God-sponsored projects had everyone talking.' And do you know what I am going to say? 'You missed the boat. All you did was use me to make yourselves important. You don't impress me one bit. You're out of here.'

Loving people is not letting them just recite some magical incantation – Jesus is far more interested in your heart, in you being obedient, in you following Him. My gripe though is that in an effort to see if that is the case for a person I’ve learned to check their password instead.

I don’t think I’m alone in this…

Black Holes and Revelations

2006-12-01T12:10:00.000-06:00

In recent days I've been browsing the iTunes music store and sampling music recommended me over the last year or so. Somewhere along the way I decided to check out the new MUSE disc. My exposure to them has been rather recent beginning with Absolution about a year ago. I liked them alright but didn't feel compelled to purchase the disc or explore much further. Having heard a couple tracks off the new disc (Black Holes and Revelations) - served up from their website - I decided it was worth a shot.

I sit now writing engulfed in the intoxicating swell of electronic beats, guitar rifts and slow-draw emo-esque vocals. It'd delightful.

Favorite tracks so far:
Starlight
Knights of Cydonia

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